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February 29th, 2004
07:19 pm
Harmons little cousin called me Holly when I stopped by to let Harmon know I dropped his stuff off... I dont know how I feel about that but it's pretty much a fair comparison. we're both seen as miserable bitches who tyrannize their boyfriends and make them lose all their friends. ah well. I am a tyrant when it comes to love. shit, when it comes to anything
Harmon still isnt talking to me. I dont know what to do about that.. its kinda lonely without him. I had hoped he'd get over this and we'd be ok. but apparently this is not how things go. I dono what to do in a situation like this, Ive never been in one. caring about a person enough to let you hurt them has never been something Ive done. I let a very few people in for that reason... maybe I should have kept the policy of keeping someone thats more than a friend at a distance. but its too late for that now, I fell and I feel so I cant do anything but wait and hope it doesnt hurt.
work was shitty and long today. we ran out of food, we ran out of places for people to sit and for about 2 hours there was a 20-30 minute wait for food. it was horrible. people were angry, we were understaffed and the managers were having one hell of a time keeping everything going. I felt so bad for them.
home is ok, my uncle had to go back to the hospital again this morning, apparently he's bleeding internally again.
Im sick of wearing my heart moniter... if my heart isnt doing its job, I dont give a shit. Im allergic to the sticky pads which makes life miserable. and maybe my heart will just give out and then I wont have to worry about anything anymore. terrible thought for some people, I know, but I could use a nice long hospital stay.... I wonder if they would let me use my feather pillow and comforter in there.:P
Current Mood: ![[mood icon]](http://piktures.deadjournal.com/mood/kim_mcfarland/Cat_Eyes/c4-gold.gif) contemplative
Current Music: Tom Petty~free falling
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Comments:
| From: | (Anonymous) |
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| Date: | March 15th, 2004 - 11:34 am |
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| | | (Link) |
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why is it you are so afraid of pain, afraid to face it head on? i know you can take all kinds of physical pain. you can survive horrible car crashes, threats of heart failure, a horrible childhood. but to live in fear of a broken heart, that's not living at all.
its a new thing for me. a broken heart isnt something Ive ever had to deal with before. Ive dealt with everything else. emotional pain is something Ive never been good at. its why I keep away from people. well that and the fear of rejection. but letting him in was the most risky thing Ive ever done with my life. |
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